So, I mentioned that I was getting a new therapist in a previous blog. She is Ah-mazing. I also liked the old therapist til she started her shenanigans, but this one is better! She is like a comfy pair of sweats, and not in a bad way. Not meaning that they are worn out, probably smelly from not washing them so often because they are always on your ass, or that you wouldn’t want anyone to see you in them. I mean that she is comfortable, something to look forward to, and she smells just fine.
I am a rambler. I tend to try to fit everything I need to say in the shortest period of time possible, and I hate uncomfortable silences with new people. So I tend to spout everything all at once, and most likely incoherently, when I first meet people. Which makes me look even crazier than I am and when I get home I feel like I may have just scared that person half to death. Only half to dead because apparently they didn’t literally die in my presence.
She never made me feel like I was “too much”. She listened even when I went over my allotted time. She didn’t try to kick me out of her office when time was up or even before time was up. She was kind and didn’t make me feel like my mind is a traitor that tries to sabotage me every time I meet someone new. I always say to my self “Next time you will keep your mouth shut and try to contain your discomfort so you don’t scare people away. You will be on your best behavior. You will not ramble or talk about some nonsense that some people don’t think is near as funny as you are. You will not behave inappropriately according to normal peoples standards.” Then real life happens and my mind says “Fuck all that, you are just going to be you. Fuck what they think and if they can’t handle this shit they can’t handle being your friend”. Just like when I met her, and I told her I was born a disappointment. I believe she was a bit startled by the honesty and frankness of my statement, but she was okay with it and my thoughts of that statement. I told her about how I almost lost my shit at the pharmacy that very morning and that I was seriously contemplating something that may or may not have included stabbing someone, and she didn’t run screaming.
I think this time it will work out. I have only ever had two mental health people that I have liked and they were both in Germany. The therapist I first ever truly loved was one of the most amazing people I have ever met. She truly liked me, and I was able to trust her. Then the military decided to be assholes and fire her! What the fuck? And they did this right when I needed her the most. Then they told me I was REQUIRED to see another therapist. At that point I completely threw a temper tantrum (full blown crying, screaming, one foot stamp, and dying inside) and ABSOLUTELY refused.
I am crazy, and you WILL NOT tell me what I have to do with my own mental healthcare. You cannot make me take my meds or require me to do anything. Learn your role military mental health people! The other person I truly liked was my prescribing psychologist who also became my therapist when the other one was fired. She is funny, witty, and SUPER smart. I like that in a person. I saw her until I left Germany and tried to convince her to move with me. To which she refused telling me she hated the South. I really can’t blame her, at least she knows what does and doesn’t work for her. I still wish she were here or that I could talk to her about how life is going here.
Instead I have a new therapist who may just be the one for me here in Georgia. Keep your fingers crossed that this works out better than the last.