Furniture and mud holes.

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Looks like it’s blog-thirty, and it’s about time I wrote something down. Life has been a bit boring here. I have been selling off all of the furniture I no longer want, and have started peopling. I have spoken to people that I didn’t even know who paid me to come take away my junk! Now this is a pretty awesome job. I don’t have to lift, haul, tote, carry, or load any bit of it. I just have to take someones money and let then have whatever it is they came for.

One of the ladies I sold some stuff to called me her “Furniture God Mother”, has a nice ring to it! I am trying to furnish her whole place, and thankfully she wants to take my stuff!! Now I need a wand…and I need a nice one, not one of those cheap plastic ones. I want a fancy one with crystals, ribbons, and utterly ridiculous nonsense that would perfectly suit me.There is no reason to do anything half-assed.

I have firmly decided a philosophy class is not for me. I am in one, but its a crazy mess. I read the writings of these great philosophers and apparently my perception of what they are trying to say is not anywhere close to what the quizzes want me to interpret. I though philosophy was based upon debate and differing views? How in the hell am I supposed to have an opinion and my own critical thinking skills if you are going to tell me that there is only one way to think about it? This is bullshit. I do great in the discussions and readings, but crap in the quizzes. Maybe I should write the Professor and tell him that this method of teaching philosophy is unacceptable?

My friend just sent me that little basketball on Facebook….let’s just say that I touched it like she told me to. Which then commenced the most horrible little virtual basketball game that I just cannot get a good score on. The she tells me she got a whopping 29 points. To which I replied ” Yeah, well fuck you and your stealthy fingers”. I do not have any kind of stealth, not even in my fingers. All of me has the “like an elephant” lack of stealth. Why the hell do I not have this skill? Where can I get some? Fucking stealthy fingers.

One thing I have figured out during all this selling of my crap, is that people think I’m funny. When they come to my house not only do they get stuff but they also end up laughing a lot in my driveway. One lady even got a text while she was here asking if she was safe. I immediately told her to write “dead, stuffed under the bed.” no wait “dead. In the attic” or even “dead. In the back yard”. By the way, she would never, ever be put in the attic because who the hell is going to drag the body up those stairs? Not this girl! Plus it would stain my garage, and who wants to try to get the blood smears out of there? You literally couldn’t even clean those properly right now because of all the stuff in the garage that I’m trying to sell! So, the attic is out. It would probably be the back yard. There is no grass out there so it would be easy peasy to bury someone out there.

She asked me if I had planned out killing someone, I told her not until she mentioned it. She thinks I’m funny. We also discussed getting together again to have slug races. We would make a little maze on the driveway with salt and each have a slug to put into the maze/race. The slug that made it the furthest or all the way out would win. We are also talking about using Christmas lights along the salted lines to help us see when it gets dark and makes the race all the more interesting But no blinking lights, or multi-colored lights. Those drive me crazy, for one, just one color please! It’s more aesthetically pleasing and doesn’t make a person feel a little panicky. The blinking thing is annoying and makes you feel like you’re rapidly blinking. Sorry but that’s not going to work during slug racing. She and I may actually do this, and if so I’ll take pictures….or maybe she just thought it was a funny idea and doesn’t really want to do it? Either way I’ll probably still set up my little maze, poor slugs, I feel a bit bad about using them for my amusement with their deaths. I think I will substitute the salt with sand. I have plenty in my no-grass backyard.

Yes! My backyard has just a little strip of grass along the edge of the house and porch, other than that its just DIRT! Who the hell sells you a house without grass?!? Don’t worry I highly questioned this before the purchase (another reason why the trailer may have been better. It surely would have come with grass on all sides). I was told that these houses are only allotted so much sod per house. Apparently all of ours was used in the front and sides and none was left over for the backyard. Poor sad backyard. I really do need grass and am thinking about getting it Dick and Jane style. Go to other people’s yards and cut out a piece to take home and do this until I have a whole backyard of grass. Good plan, this may have to start tomorrow.

Talking about the lack of grass. We were at Wal-Mart the other night, Matt and I. He starts looking at one of the above ground pools which can fit a whole family but is shallow enough for tiny people.

Matt: We need one of these at the new house.

Me: DYING LAUGHING

Matt: What?

Me: We aren’t getting a pool right now.

Matt: Why not?

Me: You want our kids to go play in a pool in the dirt? You want a muddy pool and muddy children? Did you forget WE HAVE NO GRASS?

Matt: Oh….

I am sorry, but muddy dogs, children, and whoever else may be walking back there are not allowed in the house. I will not be swimming in a mud hole, I am Low Class Fancy. It’s not allowed in these parts. Had he gone along with my idea we could have had a yard full of grass and a mud hole to play in. Not to mention fainting goats and roaming chickens. Right now the mud hole is a no go right along with the animals Matt won’t let me have.

 

 

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