Most days I’m a happy humans girl, but I have my bad days too. No one really wants to read a woe-is-me story, but I’m going to tell it anyhow. Please feel free not to read if bad days aren’t your thing. Today is one of those days. Just when you think you have everything figured out, you realize that you never had it figured out in the first place.
Well, Racheal, what brought this shit on? I’ll tell you, I mentioned before how I am going back to school. Well, here soon said school starts in person, instead of on the couch in pj’s. Well, that can’t be that bad. No, actually it’s not. The problem is this, I have kids and my husband will be gone for 8 months of this year.
Anytime life gets even a little bumpy this man bails for a deployment. Asshole! I get into nursing school, BAM, deployment time. Why this happens in this sequence I will never know, but it always does.
What am I going to do if the kids get sick? What am I going to do with the kids during night and/or weekend clinicals? Your guess is as good as mine. I have just realized that this time no one is going to bail me out or help me. Matt will be gone. The baby already goes to school, but he can’t go when he’s sick or on nights and weekends. I have no family here, and only one friend I met recently.
I know I’m ruminating, I know I’m making myself depressed over this. This is how I try to find solutions to the problems. I am secretly hoping this deployment gets cancelled, but don’t tell Matt. I know he is ready to go and get away from the office for awhile. I cannot quit the program since this is my 2nd time getting into nursing school. I’ll tell you about the first time another day. If I throw in the towel this time there will be no more opportunities to go to nursing school. I can’t fuck this up, but I am almost at the notion that I should quit before I begin.
I am not a quitter by any means, I just don’t know how to make it all work, or make it all right. I am not super woman even though sometimes I may look that way to others. I am human and sometimes I fail at making everything work. I either need a wife or a live in friend to help me out. Unfortunately I don’t think I am going to get either of those anytime soon. So, I need to come up with a new plan to get me through these 8 months. It hasn’t started yet, I only have a little bit of time left to figure it out, and hoping my answers come soon.
Thank you for listening. I feel better for getting it all out. Maybe now I can concentrate on forming a plan B, C, D, and E.