This is that moment where you create an account and it wants you to put in secret answers to random questions. You know what I’m talking about. Most of these questions are as follows:
Mothers maiden name
Street you grew up on
First car make/model
Elementary School name
That last one always gets me. Uuuummmm, hell no account I’m not telling you what my childhood nickname was. My family is fucking horrible at nicknames, and mine is long and beyond embarrassing. There are not even enough characters for that secret answer box to fit my whole nickname!
So here it is y’all. I will tell you my super secret childhood nickname that still occasionally haunts me today when some random used-to-be-family member shows up on my FaceBook. “Farnsberry Lunch Bucket Pocket Full of Rye”.
Who the shit does that to a kid? Where the hell did it come from? Who decided that this was an awesome phrase for the likes of me as a small child? I get I was a handful but really? Why couldn’t I get something simple like pumpkin, bug, kitty, or some stripper-ish name like bubbles? I mean what the shit?
So now y’all know my dirty little secret and why I don’t give my kids nicknames. I’m afraid I will traumatize them the way my family did to me!