I am in dire need of your assistance. My Funny is missing. I last saw it a couple of days ago prior to bed time. I had fed it, cuddled it, and tucked it into bed with me. The next morning when I woke up it was no where to be found.
I am truly lost, defeated, tired, and a bit stabby without my Funny. It helps me to be witty, have inappropriate comebacks, and to make my life more bearable. I am not sure if it has been kidnapped or if it ran off and left me for a better human. I have not received a ransom note so I am thinking it was not, in fact, kidnapped.
This is where I imagine my Funny would go…
I have checked the couch, the bed, the refrigerator, the back porch, the bathroom, and the bottom of several bottles of World’s Best Damned Root Beer. To no avail. Those bottles only had Cleany, Organizey, and Tiredy in the bottoms which were not at all helpful. All they wanted to do was clean and sleep instead of helping me to search for Funny. I am thinking it’s not here in the house at all.
I know I don’t appreciate my Funny often enough until it has gone missing. Sometimes for hours and other times for weeks. This periodic missing-ness does wonders for our relationship when Funny does come home, but I am about hopeless without it.
Right now while I’m sitting here writing this Funny is probably out having a party with the other missing funny’s, having cocktails and telling stories about the hysterical things they did when they were at home. Living it up, probably snorting some illegal drugs while discussing how long they will be gone. You live it up Funny, cause once you come home we are going to have a long talk about our relationship and how inappropriate it is for you to leave without even leaving me a damned note!
Now, if any of y’all come across my Funny at the local bar or making prank calls to your homes, you go ahead and send it home. It is not allowed to continually have fun without me, dammit! We belong together like cheese and mayo, shrimp and cocktail sauce, cucumber and martini’s, you get the picture.
So if any of you see or hear from my missing Funny, please send it home. I miss my Funny something awful. Thanks for your help in bringing funny home.