Clover

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I know y’all probably thought I was joking about the taxidermied chipmunk and how Matt wouldn’t trap me some in Michigan. So, without further ado, I present you Clove Appleblossom who arrived yesterday!

   
 
I’m a bit special as you can see from the photo Matt took when I opened to box, but it’s proof enough. So there doubters! 

My Mother-in-law is a bit concerned by the fact that I said I was going to love the fur off of her and had to remind me that she’s taxidermied and I might make her skin fall off! Eeeewwww, no, I’m just going to rub her til she has bald patches Mom, like the velveteen rabbit. 

I’m telling you, even if I sound funny or ridiculous it’s probably a true story. 

Leibster, say what?!?!?!

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Leibster

The Liebster Award is a nomination given from one blogger to another new-to-the-scene blogger in recognition of their efforts. The recipient should thank the nominator and link back to their blog. The recipient then responds to their questions, provides 11 random facts about themselves (what the shit?), and last, but not least, that blogger then gets to nominate 5-11 blogs themselves, and pepper their nominees with 11 questions of their own (I like them well seasoned, thank you). Liebster in German means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome. Isn’t that sweet?

I was presented with this award/nomination by Lifevivified.com. I am a totally new blogger and really don’t have a lot of bloggy blogger friends (yet). So I really want to say thank you for this nomination. I know Vivienne and I are still getting acquainted but I am sure this is the beginning of something good. This is mainly because she said I was hilarious, I think she’s hilarious, so I am pretty sure we can be BFF’s! Again, Vivienne, thank you for thinking my blog might be worth something and for thinking of me during your “five minutes of fame”.

For those of you reading this don’t get your panties (Linda hates the word panties) in a bunch, I want to be friends with everyone else too but this is about Vivienne nominating me. Now, onto the questions!

How did you get into blogging?

In all seriousness, I started blogging at the recommendation of a friend. After a recent and incredibly absurd bout of mania, I was chatting with one of my super successful friends about what all crazy had ensued. His idea was to write down all of my thoughts and experiences while being manic, so that later I could use my experiences to help others. I got to thinking he might be onto something there, but I had more to say than just when my crazy bitch comes out. So, thus the blogging started.

If you could have one superpower (real or imagined) what would it be and why?

If I could have any super power it would have to be telepathy. I would love to hear the shit people think but don’t actually want to say. You know, those people who actually have filters, unlike myself. Who wouldn’t have a field day with all that mental fodder to entertain themselves?

What are your long-term goals in life?

Nosey bastards! Right now I’m going back to school for my second BS. The first one is in Psychology, this one is in nursing. I plan to be a nurse for a few years and then go back to school for my Nurse anesthetist or other nurse practitioner license. Big dreams, life long dreams, and finally the opportunity to make it a reality.

If you could live within the setting of one television show or movie, what would it be and why? 

I know this is going to be a huge shocker, but I really don’t watch TV. I just don’t have time outside of Disney Junior, so I guess I’ll have to pick from that list and say I would totally live with Miles in Tomorrow land. That could be fun. I mean who wouldn’t want some robot pets and to visit new planets with cool jet pack toys. Yeah, I think that’s what I am going to go with right now. I have a 2 year old, what did you expect?

Same question, but pertaining to the setting of a story or book?

If I could live in a book it would have to be Maria V. Snyder’s  Poison Study/Soulfinder series. Magic, intrigue, spy/assassin’s, danger, I mean who the shit wouldn’t want to live there?

Which of all your own blog posts, is your favorite?

OMG, I would probably have to say “Low Class Fancy” is probably my favorite. I have a tendency to read my own blog daily to see if I still like it, and always seem to get a little sentimental about that one and how Matt won’t let me have goats…

How did you come up with the name for your blog?

The name for my blog is the one line definition of my life. Everything in my head and out of my mouth tends to be some kind of messy ramble. I’m a horrible story and joke teller because I always seem to get derailed and stuck on the details instead of getting to the punchline. This also applies to my ruminations when I’m not medicated.

If you were going to own an exotic pet (in theory only – we know wild animals do not make good pets), what would it be and why?

This is going to be a list and not just one animal. I need shit to snuggle, cuddle, love the fur off of, and to give me kisses. I want a raccoon, some chipmunks, a wallaby, a lemur, a kinkajou, and probably some other shit Matt won’t let me have.

If you could spend a day with one person (real or fictional), who would it be and why?

Okay, so shit’s about to get real here. I apologize if this makes anyone uncomfortable, but I have to be honest. If I could spend a single day with anyone it would be my Dad. My Dad committed suicide a few years back, and I have a shit ton of questions about that. No, this doesn’t cause me pain, please don’t say sorry because it’s not your fault, and condolences are a complete waste of time.

If you won the lottery today, what would you do tomorrow?

If I won the lottery today, tomorrow I would be sitting on my couch doing my homework while my husband paid off all of our bills and bought a big piece of land somewhere. My life in essence would not change, it would just be pretty stress free. I’m not a huge spender but I would totally have to reign Matt in since he likes to spend money. Oh, I would also put a lump sum in an account for bail money since both Matt and my Uncle have both stated they will not bail me out of jail. Which is completely ridiculous since they are supposed to love me enough to bail me out.

What makes you happiest in this world?

Air….I am pretty sure air is my most favorite thing because without it I would die, and so would everyone else. After that is probably my family (Matt and 2 kids). I really don’t think I would be the same person without them. I could make a lot of jokes here, but I’m trying my hardest to be a little serious about things I love.

11 (are you kidding) fun facts about me:

  1. I hate, absolutely loathe, chalk. That shits disgusting and neither of my kids have been allowed to have it.
  2. I don’t do time. Like ever. Time has absolutely zero meaning to me, and I have no clocks in my house outside of Matt and the big kid’s alarm clocks and the ones that come with the appliances because Matt insists that those have to say the correct time.
  3. I have no perception of North, South, East, and West. Unless I am back home, and the beach is to the east. Outside of that please specify by landmarks, right, left, and damnit you passed it!
  4. I am originally from Melbourne, FL about an hour away from Orlando (towards the beach). No I did not get to live in Cinderella’s castle at Disney, they won’t even let you climb up in that shit. Apparently it’s just for decoration.
  5. I have 2 asshole dogs, yep, sure did say that. They are both small dogs. #1 Ted Edward Bear – Grumpy, old, hates kids, barks a lot, asshole. #2 Brenna Joy – No she is not a joy that was shitty naming on my part, 6 lbs of barks a shit ton, separation anxiety and normal anxiety, pees when excited or surprised, asshole. In other words my dogs are like my moods off meds. Brenna is the mania and Bear is the depression (he’s also a little bitey on occasion).
  6. I just ordered my first taxidermy pet, again Matt wouldn’t bring me home a couple live chipmunks from Michigan because he refused to set traps. So instead I got a taxidermy one that should be here tomorrow for me to love and not worry about maintenance.
  7. When I lived in Germany I got bored and opened my own business. This was during an especially manic time. My business was making cloth diapers primarily and little bitty clothes as well. I was actually quite successful but the demand was more than I could handle and eventually, after a death in my family, I had to call it quits. Most of my diapers now live in the UK. Yes, I can sew.
  8. My favorite place in the whole wide world is Scotland. I love every bit of it. I travelled around the majority of the country and even got to stay in a fancy cottage on the Isle of Skye for a week. If you ever get the chance to go, I highly recommend it!
  9. I do not have any childhood or high school friends. I know most people have these, but I really don’t. Before meds friendship was much harder, but thankfully as an adult I do have some friends who have stuck with me for a good number of years and have tolerated all of the highs and lows, but mostly highs.
  10. I am wife #3. Yep, Matt had 2 wives before me. I am lucky number 3. He likes to be married, and apparently I fit the bill. I’m truly not sure why, but he’s a special kinda guy.
  11. I hate dirty ears, I know weird and kinda gross. I am sure my kids have the cleanest ears on the planet. When I meet an adult and wax is falling out of their ears I literally want to ask them to let me clean them. “I know you are an adult, but come here and lay your head on my lap so I can help you hear better”. This is NOT a good opener for a friendship. Some people get very offended by this.

Who would I nominate…I got nothing. Most of my bloggy friends have all gotten this award within the past week, and I would not want to make them have to write all this shit out again! So, I will instead list my favorite blogs and the owner and if they want to do it again they certainly can and say I nominated them.

  1. Halfa1000miles.com – The “shittiest” friend I have ever had (see what I did there?). Just ask her about foot fetishes, panties, and bee vomit. I promise it will be entertaining. She was the very first person to show my blog some love, and adopt me into her blog tribe.
  2. EnderinglyWacko.com – One of the most real ladies I have ever met, not to mention she has gotten me blacklisted on Twitter. She was the first person to be nice to me on twitter and will keep you on your toes with her wit. Her blog is funny, witty, and will tell you what and where to shop for the most ridiculous items.
  3. Bipolaronfire.com – BPOF is like me. She talks about her escapades with bipolar and the impacts it has had on her life. I can truly relate to her in a way only another bipolar can understand. Reading her blog is like AA meetings for me, and reminds me that I was once a different person than I am now.
  4. MumRevised.com – Hilarious. Real world problems, funny, and new perspectives. Kristine even has ways to craft with kale for shit sake. Who wouldn’t want to read that?

If you decide you want to do this hard work again of accepting this award here are my questions to you:

  1. Why do you blog? What does it do for you?
  2. If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? Why?
  3. What is your biggest fear?
  4. What is your favorite blog? No, you may not use your own.
  5. What is your hobby/passion?
  6. If you could have 3 wishes granted, what would they be?
  7. Why/how did you pick the name for your blog?
  8. What advice would you give to another blogger?
  9. If you could do one thing over in your life what would it be?
  10. What are your goals for the next 10 years?
  11. If you could go anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would it be?

I hope you all have enjoyed reading through this incredibly long blog and will continue to join me on my journey.

FYSA

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FYSA – For Your Situational Awareness. My husband uses this term constantly and I always have to ask him to tell me again what FYSA means. I’m an FYI girl, but hey, what ever floats your boat, right?

Now to my FYSA, you will probably need to jot this down. DO NOT, FOR ANY REASON, trust any person who’s house constantly smells like cinnamon! Again, DO NOT TRUST THEM. You probably shouldn’t turn your back on them or piss them off either.

Why? Because they are probably the murdery type! No one on this planet uses that strong of a smell in their house consistently unless they have something to hide. RUN my friends. They either have a body somewhere in the house rotting, or they have some other dirty little secret that you don’t want to know about.

Write that down, seriously save that shit in the memory bank. I don’t want to read about any of you in the news, this is a safety precaution.

Matt says that’s a ridiculous assumption as plenty of people like the smell of cinnamon, but I’m not sure he can be trusted on this. I mean he put 2 blocks of evergreen smell in the scent warmer thingy AFTER Christmas. Let me tell you, that shit was so strong you could damn well taste it. BLEH. Only one block honey, only one. And never ever use the evergreen smell again, especially not after Christmas! Apparently he can’t be trusted with smells or in the cases of smells associated with hiding dead bodies in the house.

So, take it from me, trust no one with a cinnamon scented house! or one with 2 blocks of evergreen in the scent warmer cause you’ll want to vomit.